Dealing With Rejection

When you have experienced rejection from others, it can be hard to trust again. Because we are all human, people (even friends) let us down. This can be very hard to accept because, if you are being a good friend to someone, you don't expect them to let you down, use you, or "drop" you when you are not needed. Even as you develop good friendships which are going well, it is wise to keep these friendships in perspective and to guard your heart from hurt, so if (or when) you are let down in some way, you are still secure. You will still be hurt, but if you depend on God, you can face this and put it into perspective. Our expectations should be realistic and limited.

The sense of rejection and worthlessness that you feel is very significant. It can act to stifle your confidence. This would make communication hard. People may think that you are shy or "a loner". They may also pick up your negative feelings and be threatened by what they sense and, consequently, react against what they perceive as weakness. This is very sad, particularly when we find it in the church, which is where we expect sympathy and warmth. But still, try to find friendship wherever you can. Through experiencing loneliness and then really appreciating the value of friends, you should be sensitised to noticing others around you who are experiencing this need for friendship.

Meanwhile, if you are experiencing loneliness at the moment, turn to God in prayer and to His Word. The Bible can be so encouraging as it reminds us of God's love for us, and that He is with us and for us. Singleness is a big issue for many Christians. It is fine if you are happy being single, but if you are desperate for a companion - as many are - well, it is so hard. Please be wise if you use internet friendship or meeting point sites, Christian or otherwise, as you don't know who you are communicating with. In the case of any meeting, always do so in a group for safety reasons, perhaps at a church function or a public place.

Loneliness

Most of us experience loneliness at some point in our lives. It can creep up on you gradually over time. It may be a familiar feeling that seems to have hung over you for most of your life. Loneliness is serious. It gnaws at our sense of reality and it can draw us towards depression and a sense of hopelessness. It makes you feel empty and sad. There may have been a specific incident which happened to you to make you lonely, such as a divorce and you are now faced with the stark reality of your own company. We are not meant to be alone. In Genesis 2:18, we read God's own statement that "It is not good for the man to be alone". This hangs so true. The company of God Himself is not enough as Adam had permanent access to God's presence in a perfect world. We need to interact with people to stay sane and, more than that, to enjoy life properly. We need friends.

Practical steps:

Loneliness itself is a painful and deadening feeling; it is daunting. For lack of friendship, a need has been denied, and you feel a deep emptiness. One thing that may help to combat loneliness is to deal with inactivity and boredom. Positive action, such as a hobby or voluntary work, can help. However, this is obviously not enough. Unless your activities involve other people, then you are still on your own. Even if you are spending time with other people, unless this includes some genuine friends with whom you can relate in a meaningful way, again you are missing out on the human stimulation that you need. Assuming that you are a Christian, you might consider changing church, or even moving area to go to a better and more friendly church. It may be worth investing some time in researching different churches and finding one which will bring you some genuine friends - just test the water by seeing who will be friendly to you. Bear in mind, however, that it takes time and effort to build friendships. Another idea is to find, or set up, a Christian community. Living in this way can be very beneficial, particularly for a time, as it can enable self-confidence and peace of mind to be restored. Hopefully, you can develop some new, healthy friendships. It is important to be very cautious before joining any Christian community or group. Discover a full picture of what the group' s values are and how they operate. Some groups require members to give all of their money and possessions up, or to declare some sort of exclusive allegiance to that group, so beware.